Catalogue Time

I haven't got space. And after this Xmas replacing the kids phones, ipods and underwear etc  (all worn out over summer) I haven't got money. OK no sympathy there for an over indulgent parent - I agree actually.  But no money. No money for these seed and bulb catalogue companies.

So the Gardening Year begins. Brighter than a Red Hot Poker (Kniphofia Googleus) the catalogues glide through the letter box on the gloomiest of days without fail and stand out like works of art in the pile of takeaway menus and brown envelopes (both of which go straight to the other half for dealing with). They are usually carefully left out for me by other half - normally with a verbal rider along the lines of - "I  thought you might want to see this" roughly translated as "I will cut his toes off if he buys more bulbs this year". To which I reply "I might just have a quick flick through to get some ideas" which re-translates as "I wonder what I can sneak through the budget without losing body parts this year"

Trouble is these seed merchant chappies  have me down already in their system in the "no will power - expect a £50 order real soon" category and know that I am a sucker for the 30 free gladioli bulbs with every order line.

So the first 2 glimpses of summer arrived this week. Propped up in bed midnight was spent carefully looking at all the new and exotic pictures (yes - these are seed and bulb catalogues)  pen in hand to mark interesting things, pages of the catalogue turned down to make sure I know what I have marked. I confirmed I was" just looking for ideas" to the other half suspiciously peering at me from behind the crossworduko thing she does every night. In my heart of hearts I know this is not true.

This is what will happen - I will tot up my considered desires - nothing fancy, something to give early mid summer colour - later is no good as by August the garden is completely out of control and all my time will be spent fighting the great foe Bindweed and its weedy allies. I will decide that a £200 order is probably going to end in divorce and agonisingly I will whittle away the trendy looking plants that seem to have more and more unlikely names like a Guatemalan Fire Climber or an Etruscan White Fairy Bush. Is this something to do with the deluge of cooking programmes and menus. I dunno. A give away for not buying them is the "New This Year -  Great Value at £19.99" bit in their descriptions. And so I and end up buying a value pack of things I always buy - delphiniums and dahlias for about £20 and get my 30 free gladioli bulbs as well. I then get them, plant them, (even the gladioli which by April I wont want and don't have space for) forget about them and not notice that half the the bulbs didn't grow.

But Not This Year. I am going to buy things I have never had before. Fewer but more daring. And so its Bye Bye hollyhocks and hello....  Well that's the next blog isn't it? Also got to work out which digits (toes not fingers please) I am prepared to sacrifice to the other half. Its all in the timing - maybe the end of January when the pay check finally arrives might see me escaping with an order unscathed?

What I would say to fellow startup gardeners - get the catalogues (google "bulb catalogue UK") pick a few g interesting and colourful bulbs or plants (but avoiding anything that is described as "vigorous"), Dont spend too much and place the order. Then a few weeks later when you have forgotten about it - they will arrive and demand to be planted - a nice surprise!